Vanity NOT Fair

For your reference, the article in question is this: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”  All photos are excerpts from the article. It is a wonderful piece – read it!

I read this piece about six months ago, and the article still haunts me to this day. Seriously, read at your own risk.  I remember feeling almost sick to my stomach after finishing this piece. It was relevant in 2015, and holds true (perhaps even truer) today.

After reading, I rushed to my therapist’s office – because conveniently I had an appointment. I sat, crying at her for a solid 30 minutes. I remember telling her that hookup culture is taking away our right to be loved out from under our noses. It doesn’t matter whether I put “no hookups, looking for a meaningful connection,” it seems that people will say what they need to, to get exactly what they want.

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I cannot reconcile this – the culture of today. It is popular fashion to “care less.” Feelings, connections, emotions are not encouraged and often seen as undesirable. When did it become unfashionable to care about someone?

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I get it: rejection is scary, intimacy is scary. The possibility of having to become a modicum less selfish is frightening. But what good has selfishness, narcissism and chasing instant gratification done for this planet anyway? Has “easy” and “convenient” really propelled us, as a species, to greater heights? Maybe I’m thinking far too large here, trying to compare the attitudes of modern dating to the attitudes and habits that support things like climate change or poverty. But my question remains the same: what truly is there to gain from a careless state of being?

I suppose I’m the odd woman out in my generation. I’d prefer a relationship to a hookup, investment in a person rather than the convenience of a “hit it and quit it.” Honestly, random sex gets boring fast – at least to me. It is a quick high that, just as quickly, becomes another mediocre experience, devoid of true passion. To me, there’s excitement in knowing someone – that’s the true adventure: discovering what is beyond skin deep. It is like comparing grape juice to red wine. One is more deeply satisfying than the other.

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Ok – I acknowledge that my attitude isn’t for everyone. However, when people become another number on a list – just a body, not truly a person – isn’t that reason for concern? The cavalier disregard for another human being is not something to be ignored. Caring more on a person to person basis makes you a better human, not worse. It helps cure, not sicken. And yet, most of us couldn’t care less about the man or woman in our beds last night.

There have been times where I too have been part of the problem – part of the dating apocalypse. It is too easy to be caught in the undertow of accessibility. There have been times where I’ve needed to look at my own state of being. Honestly, when I dig to the deepest level of myself, despite any front of nonchalance, I really do care. Yet, it is the fear of loss and of rejection that keeps me from allowing it to surface.

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Is this really empowerment, to treat another human with indifference? Is this what we have been fighting for, as a human race – blind satisfaction from another person’s body? The news is filled with people who rally for less hate and less apathy. Shouldn’t we enact this change in our daily lives, as well as on a global political scale?

And no, I don’t mean that everyone should be in a monogamous relationship. I’m merely suggesting that we start remembering the names of the people we sleep with, and perhaps treating them with a touch more respect. Instead of saying anything to get them into bed with you, try honesty. Instead of rating them out of five, say: “thank-you, it was nice to meet you.” The littlest bit of kindness and decency could change landscape in a huge way.

Alas, this is simply the ramblings of a dreamer. Of someone who can’t and won’t accept the way things are. No, I really don’t understand….but I really don’t think I want to.

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