Imagine walking into a bar with thousands of single men and having every single one of them make a pass at you. On OK Cupid, the messages don’t end. So how is a girl supposed to weed through the masses?
I have stuck with OKC for a couple months now – and am continuously surprised that I haven’t thrown in the towel. Another simile: it’s like being in the middle of the ocean, in front of a tidal wave of men, all saying “hey” over and over again. Two options here: swim for the beach or dive under the wave.
OKC has “match questions” that help narrow the masses into a smaller playing field. Every person you encounter will have a match percentage, as well as an enemy percentage, comparing you with them. My highest matches are around 97% with between 0-15% enemy percentage. They do look nice – and interesting, intelligent etc. Funny thing though: I am not eager to connect with any of them, as the initial attraction isn’t present.
No, I am not shallow. However, attraction is something I feel is important – and it becomes clearer than ever, when using OKC, that you cannot calculate attraction (or at least not this way). So, you cannot expect that your top matches will automatically be people you are interested in – you have to put in a little work to find them. Yeah, “no duh” right?
I have to say that sometimes I find the actual match questions nonsensical – or too narrow. An ethics question like, “have Christians made the world better,” is more than just a yes or no answer. Also, you get questions like the below:
This strikes me as completely irrelevant to the matching process. I have marked so many questions as unimportant me that OKC has gotten me in trouble. However, there are thousands of match questions, and therefore thousands of different ways to be compatible or incompatible.
I mentioned in my previous OKC article that the matching algorithm is slightly fucked. I truly believe that there are too many factors and questions at play. In the end, chemistry and attraction have a lot to do with being a match – not just practical personality traits that an app can generate into a number. Also, there are things I have marked as extremely important, that are non-existent in my top matches…like not wanting kids. This is a huge factor in finding a partner. Yet, most people I’m top matches with seem to want kids. Huh?
I am not excellent at math or statistics. But I have answered 1283 match questions and someone who is a 90% match has answered less than half the questions I have. Additionally, the questions I have marked as “extremely important” don’t align with my preferences. Shouldn’t a 90% match be someone who at least has your “top questions” nailed?
My experience with Ok Cupid comes down to one word: quantity. Everything is in mass. There’s a mass of people, a mass of filters, a mass of questions. And the quantity of everything builds into the giant tidal wave of options that can easily drown the best swimmers.
My original question still stands: how is a girl supposed to weed through all of this? Time, patience, grace and a whole lotta not caring. It goes without saying (but sometimes it has to be said) that one must set their expectations low and go with the flow. You may or may not match with “the one” (still on the fence about the whole one thing)…so having a good sense of humour about the whole thing is key.