Everyone knows there’s nothing totally new under the sun. It doesn’t matter which app you use, you tend to read the same shit in different bios. Here are my picks for profile cliches:
10. Just ask.
“If there’s anything you want to know, just ask.” I get it, you don’t want to give away too much in a 500 word biography. You don’t want to destroy the mystery that is you. Please though, say SOMETHING. Personally, being able to identify one thing to talk about with a match is part of why I right swipe.
9. “5/5” – My mom
I am so sorry to shatter your illusions, but this is perhaps one of the most overused jokes on Bumble and Tinder. The first time I saw this bit, I laughed…but I must be in the low hundreds now and it ain’t funny no more. Fake GQ and Vogue quotes are also super popular. Please guys, don’t just google “funny Tinder profiles,” for your bio.
8. Mexican food
Yes, tacos are amazing. Guac is life. However, it has to be one of the most basic profile troupes I’ve seen. 1 in 3 profiles talk about tacos (unconfirmed stat). You wanting a “wine and tacos night” just isn’t unique. Can we mix it up with some Indian cuisine maybe?
7. Only here for your dog…
I’ve reached a point in my life where I check out dogs on the street more than I check out men…We do not deserve dogs. And dogs don’t deserve our relentless use of their gloriousness to score dates.
6. Good vibes only
What the heck are good vibes? Do I have to be positive all the time? What is a vibe anyway? How do you know what kind of vibes you have? Can good vibes be different for every person…like a psycho thinks murder is “good vibes,” does that count? And I’m not sure if I am totally comfortable with you feeling my vibes anyway…..or are you talking about vibrators? I’m pretty sure you can get a “Good Vibes” on Amazon if so. Soooo many questions.
5. All about that gym life (weight lifting emoji here)
I’m so glad that you are healthy and invested in maintaining your physique. But a lot of bios consist only of one sentence saying something about living at the gym. Do you not have other hobbies? Do you have a job? For gosh sakes, even say something about Mexican food and dogs.
4. Fluent in Sarcasm
Newsflash: sarcasm isn’t a language. And honestly, if sarcasm is your claim to fame, you might want to rethink your existence.
3. (line of random emojis)
Emojis have become the death of words. Apparently, we now speak with tiny pictures. Sentences are so 20th century, words are passé. I am an apple, crying laughing face, pizza, sushi, dancing lady, embarrassed monkey and halo smiley face. Because that makes SO much sense.
2. YYZ – LAS – LAX- YUL
More favourite activities: travelling! Everyone on Bumble, Tinder and OK Cupid seems to travel. Maybe 10 years ago world travelling was a unique feat, but now everyone is getting in on the action. This is excellent, people should experience different cultures, but you have to realize that most profiles mention travel these days. So yeah, it has kinda become a cliche!
What the fuck is adventure? For goodness sakes, taking the TTC everyday can be adventurous. I love adventure! Let’s go on an adventure. Adventure = bae…can you think of a more ambiguous activity? I am pretty sure, despite all being avid travellers, you’re not trekking through the Amazon hunting for your next meal (or fishing) – so really, how valid is your claim of loving adventure?